Navigating Imperfect Marriages: Embracing the Journey Together
Introduction: Embracing Imperfection: Challenging the Myth of Perfect Marriages:
Whoever said marriage was a piece of cake and that they have no problems, I'm going to bet money that they are lying to all of us. I can usually count on the calendar that we'll fight about every three weeks, or when the stress of something going on in either the family or the house is building and building, and then the roof explodes. We won't talk for a couple of days, then slowly we'll go back into our monotony of life like nothing ever happened. However, if you asked us to go out in public together, don't you worry we would put up an amazing front and no one would know the wiser that anything was going on. Sound familiar?
The Pressure of Perfection:
In a world filled with picture-perfect Instagram posts and fairy-tale romances portrayed in movies, it's easy to believe that all marriages should be flawless. But the reality is far from it. Marriages, like any other relationship, require effort, compromise, and acceptance of imperfections. It's time we break the stigma surrounding marriages and embrace their inherent challenges.
I’ll be the first to step forward and admit my marriage is far from perfect, we argue, we fight, we have hit rock bottom, but I too have been the victim of society where I needed to pretend that everything is perfect, afraid of the judgement that I would receive from others if I said that anything was anything, but perfect because I was ashamed. Ashamed that I didn’t have the perfect white picket fence life, I had already been through a divorce, and I had always talked about how perfect everything was.
However, as I talked to more and more people, I soon I wasn’t alone, but why aren’t we talking about it more so we don’t feel so alone when we are in the thick of it? Why do we have to feel the nagging pit in
our gut, by ourselves and have no one else to say, “Lady, I’ve been there, you aren’t alone.” Isn't it time that we dispel the truth and break the myth that it's okay if your marriage isn't perfect, it's also okay if you have arguments, and it's also okay if it's not perfect?
The Reality of Marriages:
Let's face it, no marriage is perfect. Every couple faces their own set of trials and tribulations, whether it's communication issues, financial stress, or differences in values. Unrealistic expectations of perfection only set couples up for disappointment and disillusionment. Look at these fairytale ending movies, or romantic movies, or even the Hallmark movies every ending is perfect with a happy couple living this dream life. The expectation growing up then is this is the new reality, when in fact this is the furthest thing from the truth. How could it be with all the stress life has to offer nowadays? You generally have two people working full time, trying to raise 2.5 kids, managing finances, getting kids to all their activities, managing a household, staying financially afloat, keeping up with school emails, and finally having a conversation or intimate relationship when one of you just wants to go to bed. To me, it sounds like a setup for failure.
We need to begin as couples, individuals, and ultimately society as a whole, embrace the imperfections as part of the journey of marriage. and acknowledge that no marriage is flawless and that challenges and rough patches are inevitable. Marriage is a journey filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and moments of joy and struggle. It's important to recognize that imperfections are natural and inevitable. No couple is immune to disagreements, misunderstandings, or moments of frustration. It's often through facing and overcoming these imperfections that couples grow stronger and deepen their bond.
Rather than striving for an unattainable ideal of perfection, embracing imperfections allows couples to approach their relationship with authenticity and vulnerability. It means accepting that there will be days when you argue, moments when you feel distant from each other, and times when things don't go as planned. And that's okay. It's also teaching our kids that it's okay, that this idea of perfection, is not normal, and that two individuals can work through their problems through communication.
Embracing imperfections also involves letting go of unrealistic expectations and standards imposed by society, media, or even ourselves. It's about recognizing that the images of flawless marriages portrayed in movies, social media, and fairy tales are just that—fictionalized portrayals that don't reflect the reality of everyday life.
Navigating Rough Patches:
Successful marriages don't happen by chance; they require constant effort and nurturing. Couples must be willing to communicate openly, resolve conflicts constructively, and make time for each other amidst life's demands. It's a continuous journey of growth and self-discovery, both individually and as a couple, and it’s not something that just will happen overnight it takes time and a commitment from both parties. I’m not an expert, and I still have trouble with this myself, but let’s look into this further.
Communication is the secret to any successful marriage. It serves as the foundation for trust, intimacy, and understanding between partners. When couples communicate openly and honestly, they are better equipped to navigate conflicts, express their needs and desires, and cultivate a deeper connection with each other. Effective communication fosters a sense of teamwork and collaboration, allowing couples to work together to overcome challenges and celebrate successes. Without communication, misunderstandings can arise, resentment can build, and the emotional distance between partners can widen. By prioritizing communication in marriage, couples can build a strong and resilient bond that withstands the test of time.
Sure, Linds that sounds great…but I hate his guts right now! Okay, I get it, but find the root of why…and what truly is bothering you. I’ll give you an example, we were finding that we were going through the motions of the day, running around like two ships passing in the night, and the nights that we were together, we’d get into bed and the TV would go on and we’d go to bed—not talking or “checking-in” with one another. This led to a really bad habit, and ultimately emotional distance between the two of us. Not a good setup, wouldn't you agree? After talking with the marriage counselor, yes we see one too, he's like, "Hey, Morons! Turn the TV off and talk!" Makes perfect sense now.
Communication can help when there’s an argument in a relationship as well, if you don’t fight, tell me your secret, but if you do, talking it through will resolve it quicker, help you both to see each other's point of view and move on because there will be another, I promise. I will be very transparent here, I’m terrible at this. I tend to have an outburst then clam up for a bit (and I mean days) to process everything, then I’m able to talk, but ultimately I can talk about the issue, but that saying “Don’t go to bed angry” I haven’t mastered yet, despite all the marriage counseling. lol.
Breaking The Stigma:
Society often places immense pressure on couples to maintain an image of marital bliss, even when things aren't going well behind closed doors. This pressure can lead to feelings of inadequacy and shame when couples inevitably encounter challenges in their relationship. It's time to dispel the myth that perfect marriages exist and instead encourage honesty and vulnerability. I’m going to call this “breaking the silence” or “breaking the stigma.” These reoccurring themes seem to come up a lot in my posts, but it’s time as a society that we stop posting about the superficial life that we live and maybe instead the hard-knock life that we’re going through, because there may be one person that we ultimately reach and make a difference with.
We need to create a culture where couples feel safe to acknowledge the ups and downs of marriage without fear of judgment or shame. This starts with honest conversations about the realities of marriage, including its joys and struggles. By sharing our experiences openly, we can break down the barriers of perfectionism and foster a greater sense of community and support among couples.
So here I am breaking the stigma and shattering the glass and talking about it, we are living in the Twenty-first Century, where everything is driven by the perfect social media post, the perfect caption, and the perfect family picture, it’s time that we are honest and talk so our kids don’t grow up having this warped sense of what’s truly “normal.”
Embracing Imperfection
Instead of striving for perfection, let's embrace the imperfections that make each marriage unique. It's through facing challenges together and growing stronger as a result that couples deepen their bond and create lasting intimacy. By accepting that imperfection is a natural part of any relationship, we can cultivate greater compassion, empathy, and resilience in our marriages.
However, not only are we embracing the imperfection, but we are also taking the pressure off us as couples to strive to have this idealism of perfection. Does perfection even exist? Of course not, I look at couples that are featured in magazines that are married and have 2.5 children and have their white picket fence, I often wonder to myself, is this reality?
It’s time to shatter the illusion of perfect marriages and embrace the beauty of imperfection. Let's celebrate the resilience of couples who navigate life's twists and turns together, knowing that it's okay to stumble along the way. By breaking the stigma surrounding marriages, we can create a more inclusive and supportive society where couples feel empowered to be their authentic self and high-five them when they have crossed through the trenches and are still surviving, although ugly at times, they still survived. So my loves, tonight I end with this thought, in your darkest hour or your darkest day you are never alone, because many of us are or have walked in your shoes, and will continue to walk by your side to support you. MUAH!
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