Empower Yourself: Gaining Confidence to Be Bougie

If you haven't read my blog post, "What You See on the Outside is Different from the Inside," you have read that I struggled a bit to find myself. It took a bit to find out who I was, and what I wanted to do. Sure I had the dream job, the dream house, the dream marriage (haha, some days), 4 healthy kids, but why did I still feel that there was more to offer? Was I really happy with my life? I mean I could answer yes, but something in me always wanted to do more, I felt like I could always offer more to others. I had gone through so much in my own life, honestly, you really wouldn't believe the stories if I told them all to you, but at 43 years old, "I'm Still Standing" as Sir Elton would say! One might say gracefully, I would say, a little wobbly, but I'm here. I felt unfilled, piling my plate with more and more things, unable to say "No" to anyone. Then one day it hit me like a ton of bricks, write about it... help others, talk about it, and help others find their Bougie Selves!

So today my loves, we are going to begin to dive deep into Empowering Yourself: Gaining Confidence to be your best Bougie Self. So what is Bougie? That's the first question my husband asked me: it's being fabulous in your skin, being confident, exuding a presence when you walk in a room, holding your head up. A bougie does not discriminate, they are supportive of others, and most importantly love themselves! Is there a certain age at which one can be a Bougie Mama? The answer is "No." To be Bougie we are setting the example for our younger generation that it's okay to be different, it's okay to not be perfect at something, to be kind to others, and to step outside your comfort zone.

What if I'm a man, can I be a Bougie Mama? You absolutely can, like I said, this group does not discriminate, although when I start getting into the nitty gritty about some of the dirty little secrets that I have to share, well I guess you'll either throw this information out the window because this won't have anything to do with you and your partner or you'll be a hero in your wife's eyes! Good for you, take the information and run with it! The point is that this group does not turn away anyone and is open to everyone.

So let's begin with the first huge Bougie Topic and that is Confidence!

Confidence.

"How do I exude confidence Linds, when I wake up every day and do the same thing every day? I'm so tired." I hear this all the time. Same girl same. Most will say, "I'm in the same clothes, I can't remember when the last time I took a shower, I chase kids all day, I have to cook dinner, keep a clean house, oh and I have to fit work in too, and then do this all over again the next day". Lord, I'm tired just thinking about this.

Or I hear people say, "I can't do that job I'm not smart enough", or "I can't talk to that person I'm not pretty enough, there's no way I can do what you're doing I know don't enough people." Wait what? Let me tell you I knew NOTHING when I started this adventure, I knew nothing about writing, I knew nothing about writing a blog, or how about building a blog (some of you may be like yeah we can tell Linds...hahaha), but with a little reading and investigating I seemed to figure it out. I put myself out there and was pretty nervous about other's judgment, but then I realized I was showing my kids that if you set your mind to something you can do anything. It's not easy, let me begin by saying that, but with a little practice and a little help and support from your Bougie friends, we are going to support one another to remind each other how wonderful each one of you all are!

To begin: You are going to repeat after me every morning:

If you want, stick post-it notes on your mirror in your bathroom with positive affirmations, which have been shown to lower stress levels, improve your quality of life, and make you feel more comfortable in your skin. Believe it or not, when you continue to repeat these positive affirmations over and over again, it encourages your brain to begin to accept them as facts. Here are some examples:

I am Strong

I am Smart

I Work Hard

I Choose to Do Great Things Today

It won't be Easy But It Will Get Better

I am Brave

I am Unique

I am in Control

I am loved

I believe in Myself

I am Successful

It's interesting, that when someone lacks confidence, whether that is in themselves, in their job, a sport they play, their relationship, or a task that they need to accomplish it's often silent, but also it prevents your true personality from shining through. Ultimately, if one lacks confidence it can lead to anxiety and other insecurities. That's why these positive affirmations will help to turn those negative thoughts into positive ones, retraining your brain to start to believe in yourself. Once this confidence boost occurs in your life, you will see every aspect take a turn for the better including your relationship, your work, your school, and your outlook on life. Ultimately, you will have a clearer vision of your goals.

This confidence will show in your outward appearance and even how you present yourself to your children, which is important for them to see. In a world that puts so much pressure on our kids about perfection, teaching our younger generation about confidence is so important, especially now since all they seem to rely on for fact-checks is social media. Just look at the presence that TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter have on their decision-making skills. Teaching them to believe in themselves and accept failure, while also striving to become a better person. Help them to see their strengths, as well as their weakness, and set goals. Encourage new opportunities, new activities, and hidden talents. Praise them for trying! Sound familiar? You my loves are their role model. You are building their confidence, their self-worth, their self-esteem, their freedom to explore. You are creating a little Bougie little Mama!

So the next time there is any doubt in your head that you cannot do something or you are afraid to make that leap of faith for that career move, or to approach that wildly handsome man or woman, or to write that blog that you thought you never thought you could do, I want you to say three positive affirmations about yourself to remind your confident Bougie self how amazing you truly are! If you see one of our Bougie mamas struggling, stop them and ask them if are they okay, then compliment them, and tell them they are beautiful and strong! I can guarantee you have just made their day and boosted their confidence, and you have made yourself feel good too.

We are all scared at points in our lives to make the leap of faith, but with the help of our Bougie community together we will build each other up to be our best Bougie Selves! So to all my friends out there, thank you all for the love and support this is going to be an amazing ride!

Muah!